Flying

It feels like a familiar feeling, the wind under my wings as I spread my arms. A half-remembered feeling, all I have to do is close my eyes and feel the surge. And I almost feel the wind billowing under my wings. I've tried rationalizing, telling myself what I remember is just walking across the street on a very windy day. Rising higher, higher.

Nine years since I wrote these lines. Longer since I've published anything here on. My very own time capsule, the drafts section. I'm looking at my reflection in a mirror light years away from me, and I don't know if I recognize the person staring back at me.

Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe not. I had felt like I had literal wind beneath my literal arms/imaginary wings when we'd drive in relative darkness on a freeway. A half-remembered feeling. My feet and my head are more grounded these days, and now I only vaguely recollect that I used to feel like I was flying at some point in time.

All this to say that I've lost the thread that this fanciful introduction was gently tugging at. It was going to be something about the wonder that the almost-flying brings with it, I think.

It feels like flying, but maybe, we're dying. - A song popular on TikTok/Instagram these days, released in 2019. (At least one of these platforms didn't exist when I started writing this.)

Vacations

Semester ended, and vacation begun twenty minutes later. Had a nice dinner, started with a road trip a couple of hours later. Saw and stayed in a beautiful house in a quiet hilly town filled with books on almost every possible topic under the sun. Grabbed a bike and pedaled along a brook gushing by in no time. Realized I've read way too many Agatha Christie/Enid Blyton type mystery novels, set in small, peaceful, beautiful towns - saw a potential clue to solving a mystery every ten seconds. Almost had a plot form in my head, but not quite. Read a Kipling short. Slept in an attic. Went up to a skiing resort not too long before the sunset, didn't ski but thought the ride more than made up for it. Figured I was more of the 'stare silently out of the window and look at all that is happening' than the driving types.

Went for a stroll in the town that looked frozen in 1800s. Found an odds and ends shop that had a section for old books. Felt like books were the element the corner was made of, and that the supporting furniture existed just to break the monotony every couple of inches. Had dinner outside by the lantern light, with the sound of rushing water making a nice filler for conversations. One of those times everything comes together perfectly, the companionship, the food, and the ambiance. Simulated what can be called a four-person-seater race car on an air mattress by making use of an Xbox player thoroughly engaged in the game as the driver.

Drove back up to our apartments after two very reinvigorating days, and then left soon enough for the polar opposite. Had amazing dinner once again, and then drove across the river. Stared at skyscrapers and the millions of reflections twinkling in the river. Got me thinking about how two places that look completely different can fill you up with the same sensation of wonder. Came back home in the wee hours of morning. Said goodbyes to friends, caught up with sleep.

Left for the Big Apple once again, with a different set of people. Covered about twenty four blocks walking in the park, paid homage to John Lennon. Wondered if there were two buildings that looked the same. Saw huge dinosaurs, very high concentration of neon lights beaten only by the density of people in the square. Extricated people from Barbie store. Saw buildings and Jack Sparrow figures built out of Lego. Bought four huge posters. Felt good that I finally had a better idea of the city, well, an island at least. Saw the city transform into a sea of lights from over 1200 feet above sea level. Got reminded of this comic strip I had accidentally come across - talked about how you get happy first, and then go find the reason. Ended the year with rather uninspiring show of fireworks, we were just too far away. The mad huddle dance after that made up for it.

Came back home, slept a lot. Finished Sherlock, including the series two premiere. Can't wait for the next episode. Felt the familiar sensation of time passing by very quickly when I'm enjoying myself. The break has been good, good fun so far.

Drafts

Felt like I hadn't posted anything in a long time, got that itchy feeling that you get when you want to write something but you're not sure what it is that you want to write. Some people call that a writer's block, I think.

Anyway, so I found these drafts that I never finished, some are as old as this blog itself. One of these has a half story that takes off on a depressing tangent from Bobby McGee, another has some random rant while this other draft talks about my astonishment at where one year at college went, and yet another has something whimsically ridiculous. (You know, tandoori jokes types. And if you don't know what tandoori jokes are, well, some people would say you're lucky. BUT YOU'RE NOT. Now, where was I? Oh yeah.) Hmm. It's like having an argument. You want to say a lot of things when you're pissed off, but give it 5 minutes and then you rethink, and maybe mellow down your tone or discard the idea of rebutting whatever it was that you thought needed rebuttal. (Brevity really isn't my thing, is it? Neither are analogies I guess, no?)

Thing is, I don't know if I could ever finish any of those drafts. But I won't get rid of them either, part of me still thinks I would get around and finish these pieces and maybe they'll turn out a tad more than OK. But then this is the same part of me that wanted to learn guitar, speak German and finish off the tiny bag I stitched for myself on a Sunday in second year. (No really, I did. Ask Juthika. She finished her bag, btw. Hey, mine only has a handle-strap left, okay?)

Yeah, that's about all I had to say, I suppose. (Post for post's sake, this feels like. I should stop talking in broken English.)

PS. Heh, I could be a female JD from Scrubs! (That would be great, right? Although I think there are way too many people who've said this about themselves, sounds wannabe-like than an honest observation. Right, I should sleep. Maybe a critical version of JD.)

Oddity

Fell sick just as Finals week starts. Not cool.

Hmm, this could have been a tweet.

What electricity failure can do, that internet access cannot.

So a major thunderstorm in North-East US killed the electric supply to our building. As we speak, (you read, I type, mostly I type - did you know this guy who bought the domain IPhone.com way back in early 90s when internet telephony was being invented now became a millionaire thanks to a certain company which can have people paying 800$ should they start selling bricks prefixed with an i? - Google it. Anyway, back to subject matter,) the electric providers auto voice thingo informs me that the cause has been identified, (it was indeed the thunderstorm) and now they're thinking up of how to fix things.

Anywhoo, the point I'm trying to make is that I did something creative. I opened a word processor (Open Office, bitchez), but couldn't really write much. So I opened MS Paint (oh bite me) and played around with colours, edited what I'd done in Picasa, got an idea and used Paint some more and then Picasa some more.
Right, point is, this is what I made, and I don't care what Mr. Artsypants Mc Mystuffhangsingalleries thinks.
Using my friend's (who is always hungry, bored and sleepy, usually all at the same time) favourite internet emoticon so I can expression my emotions in brief, I <3 colours =)

To all the second graders who think they can do better, bring it on! To Ms. OoImgrownUp Imintellectuallol, my blog. I put up what I want to.

(Psst. Click on the pics to enlarge them.)

Bitten by the bug.

Not done too well, but I'm rather smug about the fact that I didn't need to use any extra conjugates. Missed out on a lot of songs, but got a little tired. Do let me know how many you figure out =)
And yes, you need to be a fan to make any sense out of this.

Picture yourself in a train on a station with a ticket to ride when I get to the bottom while my guitar gently weeps because the wind is high for I have got a letter in your bag for me so hold me tight... it's you, a real nowhere man, your lips are moving, I cannot hear, and my advice to those who remember to let her into her room, isn't it good and I can't forget the time Mother Superior jump the shadow hanging over me; oh it won't be long before this dance is through please remember how I feel when you talk about destruction,don't you know that you can get high with a little help from the eggmen, they are all aboard; many more of them broken hearted people living in the octopus's garden near long and winding road and the way she looked at me was beyond compare, so how could I be there beneath the blue suburban skies so please love me for taking the easy way out but when you talk about destruction, don't you know that nothing's gonna change my world so why on earth should I moan... life goes on and she promises the earth to me and I love her, my Michelle.

(Almost) a year older and none the wiser

I still like more animated movies than non animated ones.
I still can fit in stuff I've had for 8 years.
I still find Tom and Jerry funny.
I still procrastinate.
The idea of a picnic out in a green place on a warm sunny yet windy day still excites me.
I still gaze up at the night sky and find it enchanting.
I still like finding amusing shapes among clouds, and cook up random stories describing how their day was.
I still find homework annoying.
I still get homework.
I still have a course whose title begins with 'An introduction to'. (NLP, btw.)
I still get excited about my birthday, and love bugging people to see their (virtual if actual is not possible) reactions.
I still get giggling fits for no reason.
I still sing the songs I used to sing as a kid when I play Antakshari.

I'm never going to grow up, am I? Not too sure if I want to either. Peter Pan, take a bow :)

That bittersweet feeling.

Okay so I know this isn't the most ideal thing to do, but screw it.

Spending about four hours on group chat on Skype might seem like a recipe for suicide when you have two homeworks due in less than two days, but trust me, it's just as good as that steamy cup of hot chocolate on a wintry morning when you think the world could not look less morose. Even better.

So do yourselves a favour, find a bunch of idiots who would wake up at 4 am just to talk with you, and be good to them. Its worth burning the midnight oil and spending sleepless nights working on those assignments later. True story.

Saat samundar paar.

This would've been a huge post had I written in detail. But I had a feeling I would've gotten bored in the middle and left the story unfinished. So here goes. Not written well at all. Most of this is in chronological order, I think.

25th. T3 Indira Gandhi airport. Lufthansa. Excess baggage. 747. Cramped seats. No personal TV. Fat guy on right side. Sleep. No sleep. Cute steward. 9 hours. Frankfurt. Security check. McDonalds. No sleep. Expensive net. One girl missing. Boarding time. Frantic running across the airport. Security check. Hot water bottle. Quarantine. Rat on airport. No, mouse. Random guard. Visa passport check. Train to gate. Herr Ghotra. Squeaky hellos. Nice aircraft. Personal TVs! How to train your dragon. Asian meal. Saunf. No sleep. Philadelphia. Immigration check. Seniors. Shuttle. Head ache. Temporary accommodation. Crestfallen faces. Night stroll around area. Own house. Wall to wall carpeting. Pizza. Sleep.

Oh and then rest of the week could be described as: fire alarms, AT&T, people getting lost, shifting luggage, cooking, fire alarms without batteries, no keys to first two gates, no lease, bidets, no bidets, 1 $ flipflops, fire alarms ringing without batteries, taking lite with fire alarms, no drains on bathroom floors, 'lota', green board/table, 'keedas' and peppermints, cute I 20 guy.

I iz brev. (I haz brevity, so.)

Closure

(Warning: Senti attack. Read at own risk. Not written too well for the aforementioned reason.)

So I had slept all evening, and was watching random episodes of Friends to while away time. I have, a lot of times, tried to write something here. Something, so that the blog doesn't go dormant. And I couldn't find anything.

And then in the middle of Ross and Chandler's futile attempts to quit the gym, Saniya pings me and reminds me that it was exact four years since she first landed at BITS. Which reminds me that 29th July 2010 would be exact four years from when I first began the BITSian journey (cliche, yes. But cliches are cliches for a reason. No, not playing the pronoun game here, JD/Bing/Pubby.)

Four awesome years. The good, the bad and the downright ugly (transition from BPGC to BPKKBGC being one.) In some regards we didn't change at all, and yet we changed so much. From 'writing lyk dis' to cringing every time someone else writes in the now incomprehensible 'kewl' version of English, from running around shouting on the roads in huge gangs in first semester to calling people three batches junior morons for doing the same, from Orkut to Facebook, from not knowing DC++ existed to being totally addicted to it, we've all transformed. And yet one feels like the time just flew by, and we're still where we were.

When 2006 batch joined, the hostel curfew was 11:00 PM. There was no football field, and Zephyr saw some of the fiercest fights in the campus. In our first few weeks, the A mess was better known as the 'boys mess'. Thinking about the thrill Sanskriti and I got in exploring random nooks and corners of the campus now brings a wave of nostalgia. Dandiya night was conducted in the now awesome badminton court complex(?), and the next day we lost three seniors.

Second year saw us making shiny stuff in MT1 chemistry labs,  copying shamelessly when the instruments won't work in physics, and adding juice and detergent to the same concoction in biology to extract DNA. Second year was the Quark 2008 year. Still remember sitting outside on the last day as the Music night came to an end, wondering what I was going to do for the rest of the semester.

With third year came the responsibilities, whether it be the CDCs, or getting a fest up and running smoothly. The sucky grading system added to the woes. The farewell one whole (in some cases two) year(s) before we left the campus gave everyone something to obsess about. No one dressed up for the now once-in-a-blue-moon DJ nights anymore. And then came the second sem compres, which this time around not just meant the end of the semester, but also the end of time together on campus for the batch as a whole. Whether you switched your semester at the last moment, or you always knew you were going in first sem, it didn't make much of a difference. Cartons packed and couriered, hugs and promises exchanged. The end of the journey was now in sight.

PS2 was a different ballgame altogether. From wishing everyone you knew got PS at Bangalore, to cribbing about the work or lack thereof, to making elaborate plans to go to campus during Waves. To talking about how your strict PS instructor makes you call every morning at 9 30, to putting in night outs to finish reports and applications. To wishing to get back to campus and yet feel a little sad that your stay at Bangalore (or wherever your PS station was) coming to an end.

Last semester on the campus kind of serves as a rude shock. For you're happy that you're back, but it doesn't feel like the same place. You hardly know anyone, at times the only person you know at Monginis happens to be Uncle Sam. You feel like the campus has already forgotten you, and then soon enough you come to terms with it, and start finding new ways to kill the huge amount of free time that you have. Some actually do stuff on their 'to-do-before-college-ends' list, others don't. Single degree students get annoyed with their suddenly all too geeky dual degree friends and vice versa. First years look like a bunch of buffoons, doing the exact same things as one did three years back. Exams and project submissions start losing out to hanging out a little more at Nescafe. Bogmalo trips become a lot more frequent.

And then the time flies by and soon you're staring at the day you never thought would come. And then you take the final walk across the campus, sit outside till you can, take it all in for you know that you won't see the campus at 12 20 am again. Not the same way, at least.

And then you go back, and you finish off with packing. And you hope for a sense of closure.

And then you sit and wonder where the time went, two and a half months after you said your final goodbye to college.

And then it rains

The air sits heavy on the head, as if it's all the troubles you face and then more. The heat and humidity do their little dance, in perfect tandem, and you're caught in the middle and you're neither here nor there. And the burden won't go away just as those drops of perspiration won't. You seek shelter but there is none. You spend sleepless nights wondering if this would end. Wishing it would end. Not a leaf moves, and you feel like your eternal damnation lies in these doldrums. Time seems like a crafty thief, sneaks in and out unnoticed and takes away what you've treasured. And it does so every night, over and over again, till the morning arrives.



And then it rains.

All will be good.

(PS. Yes, I love rains. Check this out sometime)

Summer symphony

The children wait in the heat, eyes looking up towards heavens for some relief. The air is almost solid, heavy, making it difficult to breathe. The anticipation is almost as unbearable as those beads of sweat that stubbornly trace their way across the skin. No relief in sight.

Brown eyes gaze up at the blindingly white, unrelenting sky. Dense atmosphere sits heavy on the heart, while the ground below cracks as you walk on it. Silently, they beseech the gods, and wait.

Then they see the signs. The sun hides, as the earth senses help is on the way. The air, hanging so still earlier, gains fluidity, and whispers conspiratorially, taunting without promising. The dust wakes up and joins in, and as if marking its presence, pigments the sky yellow. The stage is set, and all await the arrival of the whimsical star of the show.

And then, without warning, they descend. They can't be contained, just as the schoolkids can't be. They dash out to welcome the outpour. The sky thunders, and lets itself loose. The earth sighs in relief, redolent of innocent happiness. The parched cracks dissolve, as does the heaviness in the air. The thunder punctuates the children's laughter, as their mothers keep vigil from the safe, dry quarters. The rhythm, soft at first, embarks on the crescendo. The firmament moves through shades of blue, growing deeper, till it reaches midnight blue at the climax. Midnight blue, with occasional silver linings. The symphony's notes splash over the strings of the soul as the heavens keep track of the cadence. And as the children jump into puddles of joy the tempo starts to decrease. The orchestra moves towards the conclusion of the performance, the children reluctantly head back to warmth.

And then the clouds part company, with a promise to come back next summer.

Check this out

Saw this blog, made by a friend. If you're not in Goa, spread awareness. Do your bit.

Cheers,

Pranshu

Diwali eve 2009

Deal with five-digit number of files from 9 30 to 5 30. Get a sore throat in the night spent battling with cockroaches. Freeze in the super-cool office. Rush through breakfast and lunch. Comment out little and big pieces of code to make it run in the available memory, in 21st century. Hunt around desperately for a Motorola charger for a phone that doesn't charge when hooked up to a comp. Not wish a friend on her birthday. Note her number down on the same page as a self-devised algorithm. Chat with mom, instead of talk.

Not realize its 'Chhoti Diwali' until a teammate wishes you while he's leaving office.

Waiting for a miracle :)

Happy Diwali!

Twitter

So, I just joined Twitter. And well, I was a little bored in office today. This, the thing that was not supposed to take a lot of my time, took a lot of my time.

Anyhoo, here I'd like to thank boo for getting me started, and also supplying me the tools with which I could make this on a photoshop devoid comp (without of course actually making the profiles these pics mention.)

And Dhruv D for the idea behind the Dolly-Tom coupling :) (check here to get to know what I'm saying)

And I'd also like to opportunity to virtual-yell at boo for letting me go on with this. Sheesh!!! :|

Oh well, I'd also like to thank mozilla and firebug. You're the best <3 Yeah and paint too.

I suppose I should probably thank JK Rowling too here. All the characters mentioned (Except Chuck Norris and Rajnikanth) are created by her, so banta hai.

Like I said, it took me a lot of time, so you better appreciate it. Else I'll get Voldie to write avada kevadra as a reply to you on twitter. (Yes I'm exhausted.)

[edit: CLICK ON THE PICS, ONLY THEN WOULD THIS MAKE SENSE.]

 

YAY!

This link is the first result on google if you search for my full name.

YAY!!!

Google PageRank _/\_

Thank you all whose blogs/webpages link to mine. (If you're wondering why I said this, check up the PageRank algo.) And all the people who have their links mentioned here, your PageRank increased too!!!! :D

Now kindly get back to things more worthwhile :)

Of lizards and paranoia

My roomie is on a vacation with family, which leaves me here alone. And today, while I was out for lunch, a lizard decided to hang out in my room.

So I come back, and I see this ugly big fat huge gross reptile on my wall. And as is my natural inclination to all things scaly and reptiley, I freak out.

I called up GV, who in the middle of catching his breath, in the middle of laughing really hard, asked me to get an egg shell, or onion shell, as those generally are considered effective in shooing lizards away. I muster some courage, and enter my room. The lizard senses my presence. It starts moving around on the wall, as it had probably realized that it had intruded upon my territory. And gets me thinking of an exit route if in case it decides to change planes and come on to the floor. Luckily it doesn't.

I dare to sit on my bed, get the laptop working and go online. I ping Sharan, who suggests yelling 'SHOO!' at the top of my voice. I yell (not at the top of my voice, my landlord's daughters no likey yelling) - nothing doing. It starts retreating into a crevice. Good sign, I think. I use the fundae I've learnt at PS, and send an SOS through my facebook account to my social network. I very soon realize this was not going to help. The lizard now is in a no-conflict zone, but the enemy still lurks about.

So, not knowing what to do, and acutely missing the roomie who at least can overcome the fear, I decide to let the lizard assume I'm very dangerous, but I still will grant it its life if it just shooes away from my territory. And hence I just go spend some time walking about and soothing my nerves on the terrace adjoining the room, hoping I won't have to make acquaintances with its family members.

This happened about an hour back, and so far the lizard has not come back. I can only hope the night comes and goes peacefully, with no more intrusions. Amen.

Traffic in the Sky - Part Two.

So I sat thinking, not realizing when I'd switched my radio set on.

There's traffic in the sky
and it doesn't seem to be getting much better
There's kids playing games on the pavement
Drawing waves on the pavement
mm hm

He should've come back by now, I thought. There seemed to be nobody outside at this time. Well, who would be, when it pours like it does here.

Shadows of the planes on the pavement
mm hm
It's enough to make me cry
But that don't seem like it could make it feel better
Maybe it's a dream and if I scream
it will burst at the seams and
this whole place will fall into pieces
and then they'd say...

So I sat again. Pacing around the room won't really help now, would it. I figured I'd go make some tea, strong with not too much sugar. The way he always likes it. He'd appreciate that more than just finding me waiting here, I thought. It's not like him to be late.

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
na na na
if you keep adding stones
soon the water will be lost in the well
mm hm

There are times when I wish i weren't this short. I could hardly pick stuff up from the upper shelf. I made a mental note of telling him to keep things I might need somewhere I can reach, at least before he leaves home.

Puzzle pieces in the ground
but no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they're looking up towards the heavens
with their eyes on the heavens
mm hm
the shadows on the way to the heavens
mm hm

So I sat again, after keeping the tray with my cup of tea in front of me. It was still thundering, and I could hear the raindrops strike my glass window. His car might have broken down. Cellphone signals are anyway not something you could trust on days like these.

Everything momentarily brightened up, there was lightening outside. The lightening was followed by a loud clap of thunder.

It's enough to make me sigh
but that don't seem like it would make it feel better
The answers could be found
we could learn from digging down
But no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they'll say...

I finished my tea, and checked the pendulum clock we had got last year on my birthday. He should've come back hours ago. Power had gone ages back, and now the inverter too showed signs of going bust. I tried calling him up, but couldn't reach him.

I went to the window and looked outside. I must ask him to get the garage roof repaired, it would soon give way, if these heavy rains persist. Still no sign.

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
na na na
If you keep adding stones
soon the water will be lost in the well
well, well...

My neighbour dropped by. So I went and made more tea, this time without too many problems. We had a polite conversation, and then before leaving she told me to go to sleep, and not keep on waiting. In any case, he has a key, she said.

Words of wisdom all around
but no one ever seems to listen
They talk about their plans on the paper
Building up from the pavement
mm hm
there're shadows from the scrapers on the pavement
mm hm
It's enough to make me sigh

I couldn't sleep, not with him somewhere outside in this torrential nightmare. I picked up a magazine, one of the many he had subscribed to, and liked reading.

but that don't seem like it would make it feel better
The words are all around
but the words are only sounds
and no one ever seems to listen
Instead they'll say...

So I sat down with the magazine, and started reading it. I didn't follow much of it, it was too technical for my taste. And then I got up to open the door, as I'd heard someone knocking it.

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's really not so hard to tell
na na na
If you keep adding stones
soon the water will be lost in the well
lost in the well

So, you know where he is, I asked the gentleman who I had opened the door for, and subsequently made more tea for, when I thought it was safe to ask him that. I quite liked his demeanour, he was not one of those bossy people you meet so often these days. Besides, I quite liked his suit too, coloured an understated shade of grey.

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's really not so hard to tell
na na na
If you keep adding stones
soon the water will be lost in the well
well, well.

He wasn't coming back, the grey-suited gentleman told me.

it's really not so hard to tell.

Traffic in the sky

There's traffic in the sky
and it doesn't seem to be getting much better
There's kids playing games on the pavement
Drawing waves on the pavement
mm hm
Shadows of the planes on the pavement
mm hm
It's enough to make me cry
But that don't seem like it could make it feel better
Maybe it's a dream and if I scream
it will burst at the seams and
this whole place will fall into pieces
and then they'd say...

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
na na na
if you keep adding stones
soon the water will be lost in the well
mm hm

Puzzle pieces in the ground
but no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they're looking up towards the heavens
with their eyes on the heavens
mm hm
the shadows on the way to the heavens
mm hm
It's enough to make me sigh
but that don't seem like it would make it feel better
The answers could be found
we could learn from digging down
But no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they'll say...

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
na na na
If you keep adding stones
soon the water will be lost in the well
well, well...

Words of wisdom all around
but no one ever seems to listen
They talk about their plans on the paper
Building up from the pavement
mm hm
there're shadows from the scrapers on the pavement
mm hm
It's enough to make me sigh
but that don't seem like it would make it feel better
The words are all around
but the words are only sounds
and no one ever seems to listen
Instead they'll say...

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's really not so hard to tell
na na na
If you keep adding stones
soon the water will be lost in the well
lost in the well

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's really not so hard to tell
na na na
If you keep adding stones
soon the water will be lost in the well
well, well.
it's really not so hard to tell.

IT'S COMING! IT'S COMING!!!!

(next up: swine flu)

PS. No, I'm not trying to usurp Bing as *the* cartoon-maker.